Good, Better, Best: The Bare Minimum Is a Foundation, Not a Failure

Lacey: 00:00:06

Welcome to No Shame in Our Game where we do self-help together.

2

: 00:00:11

I am Lacey.

3

: 00:00:12

a little frazzled, but here your co-host

along with my fellow co-host Sarah.

4

: 00:00:17

Hi Sarah.

5

: 00:00:18

Sara: Lacey yes A little frazzled is

okay cause we've all got something

6

: 00:00:22

going on It's all okay However you're

showing up this morning I'm a little

7

: 00:00:26

Scattered We can't wait for things

to be perfect people You gotta just

8

: 00:00:32

ahead It's gonna be messy You make the

best of it and you keep on laughing

9

: 00:00:36

Lacey: That's something we're good at.

10

: 00:00:38

We're good at continuing

to giggle and laugh.

11

: 00:00:41

well today I'm excited because I realized

as I was like getting everything ready to

12

: 00:00:45

come up here today, it gives us another

opportunity to talk about practical hug

13

: 00:00:49

and how Practical Hug is gonna work.

14

: 00:00:51

So, one of the big reasons why

Sarah and I have shifted to the term

15

: 00:00:55

practical hug is because we want.

16

: 00:00:58

To give you tools to use in different

parts of your life that support you,

17

: 00:01:03

that's practical, but also a hug.

18

: 00:01:05

'cause it support, see

practical hug, boom.

19

: 00:01:07

It goes together.

20

: 00:01:08

Anyway, so today we're gonna,

last week or last time we talked

21

: 00:01:12

about the joyful support tool.

22

: 00:01:15

So that's one of our tools.

23

: 00:01:15

And today we're gonna talk about another

one of our tools, which is good, better,

24

: 00:01:19

best, if I had to say, is probably the

one I use the most in my day to day life.

25

: 00:01:23

Sara: Yes this is such a funny thing

of these tools are so great and I'm

26

: 00:01:27

so much better at explaining them and

prompting other people to use them I need

27

: 00:01:32

somebody to prompt me to use them cause

good better best is super useful And

28

: 00:01:37

in preparation for this Lacey actually

said to me why don't we talk about good

29

: 00:01:40

better best and you preparing for your

trip And so I've been for the past 24

30

: 00:01:45

hours been good Better besting my trip

in my head and I'm like oh this is

31

: 00:01:49

really helpful I I need to remember all

the time that there are options It's

32

: 00:01:55

not done or not done There's variations

which as I will explain I very much need

33

: 00:02:01

the variations at this moment in my life

34

: 00:02:04

Lacey: I, well, the first thing that

I wanna make sure we talk about is

35

: 00:02:06

good, better, best is for tasks, but

it can also be like for prioritization

36

: 00:02:11

and all these different things.

37

: 00:02:12

But when we look at it based off of tasks.

38

: 00:02:15

One of like the key things that you

need to like think about first is

39

: 00:02:20

a little bit of a mindset shift.

40

: 00:02:21

Okay?

41

: 00:02:22

So we have this term that we use

a lot called the bare minimum,

42

: 00:02:26

and it's got a negative context,

like the bare minimum is bad.

43

: 00:02:29

You shouldn't be doing the bare minimum.

44

: 00:02:31

the bare minimum is done.

45

: 00:02:33

And that's, that's kind of the, the

change in your mental state as you're

46

: 00:02:39

going through these should be, is that

the bare minimum means it means done.

47

: 00:02:44

We're not judging anything.

48

: 00:02:46

It's done.

49

: 00:02:46

And guess what?

50

: 00:02:47

Done equals good.

51

: 00:02:49

Boom.

52

: 00:02:49

That's our foundation.

53

: 00:02:51

Yeah.

54

: 00:02:52

Good equals done.

55

: 00:02:53

And done is good.

56

: 00:02:55

Not done.

57

: 00:02:56

Not good that that, you know, obviously

it's much grayer than that, but that's

58

: 00:03:02

a big shift I think for a lot of

people to the, to have that I, that

59

: 00:03:07

realization of like, oh, maybe the

bare minimum isn't the worst thing.

60

: 00:03:11

Maybe the bare minimum is a foundation.

61

: 00:03:15

Sara: Yes and like you said it is a mind

shift because I think our audience is

62

: 00:03:19

primarily Women who like to take care of

others like to give like to support like

63

: 00:03:25

to show up right But there's this societal

whispering that we've had our whole

64

: 00:03:29

life of yeah you're gonna show up and

you're gonna show up over the top perfect

65

: 00:03:33

Pinterest perfect Martha Stewart Perfect

If you're gonna bring cookies to that

66

: 00:03:37

baked sale they better be organic made

from scratch fresh out of the oven wrapped

67

: 00:03:42

with a perfect bow And it's even though

we're not always showing up like that

68

: 00:03:47

Even if we show up with the good enough

we beat ourselves up So it's not only

69

: 00:03:52

knowing what is the good and the better

and the best version it is also accepting

70

: 00:03:58

good Yeah let's celebrate It's not about

beating yourself up for not doing the

71

: 00:04:04

best the organic from scratch cookies Hey

you showed up with napkins Guess what you

72

: 00:04:11

contributed You get a gold adulting star

Guess what That's awesome There's no full

73

: 00:04:17

stop There's no beating yourself up you

showed up If you had more time energy and

74

: 00:04:24

money perhaps you would've shown up with

a different version for that bake sale I

75

: 00:04:29

could stand on a stage and talk for hours

about this so I'm gonna try really hard

76

: 00:04:34

to bring it down to a 30 minute podcast

77

: 00:04:37

Lacey: I learned this tool at

probably one of the best times of

78

: 00:04:39

my life of when I was chronically

learning to be chronically ill, in

79

: 00:04:44

my new world and that kind of stuff.

80

: 00:04:46

, It's really interesting

because best wasn't possible.

81

: 00:04:52

Like, and, and that's a, that was

a really big mind shift for me of

82

: 00:04:55

like, oh, I can't achieve that.

83

: 00:04:57

That is not something that I

am able to achieve anymore.

84

: 00:05:00

Once I was able to give myself that

permission of like, oh, this doesn't

85

: 00:05:04

really exist, then I got to really

redefine a lot of my life and what,

86

: 00:05:10

what actually needs to happen.

87

: 00:05:13

I also realized I, as a recovering

pre perfectionist, was always

88

: 00:05:18

operating at best at a minimum.

89

: 00:05:21

And that is just one, not

realistic at all for me anyway,

90

: 00:05:25

but wasn't realistic for me before.

91

: 00:05:27

It doesn't always have to be that way.

92

: 00:05:29

, I got permission from the world

because my body stopped working.

93

: 00:05:32

So you don't have to go through that.

94

: 00:05:34

I'm giving you permission now to,

to not always have to be best to

95

: 00:05:40

recognize what is done and what is good.

96

: 00:05:43

yeah.

97

: 00:05:44

Sara: and a couple of interesting things

from that is you could also then adjust

98

: 00:05:48

what best looks like now with chronic

illness there could be a best from pre

99

: 00:05:54

chronic illness that isn't even on the

spectrum anymore Like that just it's not

100

: 00:05:59

even an you know so you new best could

look totally different When you said

101

: 00:06:03

recovering perfectionist that was always

your line And I'm always like yeah I'm

102

: 00:06:06

not a perfectionist I'm fine But recently

I had a very self-awareness conversation

103

: 00:06:11

with my sister Where we were talking

about how I got to this position where

104

: 00:06:16

I've been incapacitated on the couch

debilitating back pain And she was like

105

: 00:06:20

what could you simplify And I was like

what do you mean life is pretty basic

106

: 00:06:24

And she's you do complicate you do overly

complicate a few things in your life and

107

: 00:06:29

I never really saw it as Perfectionism

So I guess we get to be aware that we

108

: 00:06:34

can hide that word in different places

I was always thinking yeah but it's the

109

: 00:06:39

most logical thing to do or it's the

most like I had different words I was

110

: 00:06:45

using when in reality I was just masking

that I was trying to always do Secretly

111

: 00:06:53

the backdoor best perfectionist version

but calling it something else I'm like

112

: 00:06:58

this one just makes the most sense to

do it this way To go to five different

113

: 00:07:02

grocery stores to get the most cost

effective soup and cereal And in reality

114

: 00:07:06

I was draining my resource Becks when I

could have just done good enough which

115

: 00:07:09

is to just go onto one grocery store

website and just get everything for

116

: 00:07:13

pickup from one plate Oh we're having

some real time self discovery here people

117

: 00:07:19

Lacey: Yeah, I mean, I, if I am the

poster child for anything, it's,

118

: 00:07:23

it's, grocery delivery at this point.

119

: 00:07:25

Our grocery has like a, a membership

plan that you can pay like 60 bucks

120

: 00:07:30

a year and get free grocery delivery.

121

: 00:07:34

It has changed our lives because

it can come no matter what.

122

: 00:07:39

And it can mean that we can

meal plan however we need.

123

: 00:07:45

We're not like calculating a whole

bunch of stuff along with it.

124

: 00:07:48

And by eliminate, this is an

interesting one, by eliminating that

125

: 00:07:52

best, we have gotten better with

our like food and and meal prep.

126

: 00:07:58

So they're all interconnected

127

: 00:08:01

Sara: It

128

: 00:08:01

Lacey: that's more resource

buckets, which we'll talk about

129

: 00:08:03

at some point in the future.

130

: 00:08:04

Sara: No this is that's like

such a great insight Good better

131

: 00:08:08

besting in one area can help you

good better best in another area

132

: 00:08:12

Lacey: we really need to actually

explain what we're talking about.

133

: 00:08:15

We, we've kind of alluded to it,

but just to be very clear, good,

134

: 00:08:18

better, best is taking a few minutes.

135

: 00:08:20

To really think about what

needs to be accomplished, like

136

: 00:08:24

what will accomplish this goal.

137

: 00:08:26

So my favorite example is a breakfast.

138

: 00:08:28

'cause I think everyone

can kind of relate to that.

139

: 00:08:31

What do you need at breakfast?

140

: 00:08:32

You need to be able to be satiated enough

to go to throughout your day, right?

141

: 00:08:37

To get to the next meal,

that kind of thing.

142

: 00:08:40

so what society might tell us is

breakfast is the most important meal

143

: 00:08:43

of the day, don't you know, and you

gotta have so much protein and make

144

: 00:08:47

sure you get those veggies in as well.

145

: 00:08:49

Whole grains don't, don't come in

there with this, like non whole

146

: 00:08:54

grains stuff, wipe bread or like all

these different messages, right, that

147

: 00:08:59

are like, okay, this is the perfect

breakfast to do what you need to do.

148

: 00:09:04

So that's best.

149

: 00:09:06

Right.

150

: 00:09:06

It exists.

151

: 00:09:07

It's there.

152

: 00:09:07

It's the best breakfast that you

could have to optimize your day.

153

: 00:09:11

But in reality, if you just need

a protein bar, boom, accomplished,

154

: 00:09:16

you've met the goal, you know, you,

you don't need some elaborate, you

155

: 00:09:22

know, avocado toast with, you know,

fresh eggs and no you protein bar.

156

: 00:09:28

Boom.

157

: 00:09:29

That's good.

158

: 00:09:30

You've met the goal done and then

better is somewhere between the two.

159

: 00:09:34

Maybe it's some overnight oats with,

do you put overnight oatmeal and over?

160

: 00:09:39

I don't, I I'm oat milk.

161

: 00:09:41

I'm not a, I'm not an alternate milk gal.

162

: 00:09:43

We just do regular milk.

163

: 00:09:44

I get really confused by all those,

you know, with some berries and

164

: 00:09:48

then, you know, you throw hard boiled

eggs in and there's your pro like.

165

: 00:09:53

You've kind of created a menu.

166

: 00:09:55

A menu?

167

: 00:09:56

Sara: I'm sorry Did you just put

hard-boiled eggs inside Overnight oats

168

: 00:10:00

Lacey: No, no, no.

169

: 00:10:00

As a like side.

170

: 00:10:02

So like you, when you're looking

at your breakfast plate, you've

171

: 00:10:04

got overnight oats, you've got

hardboiled eggs, you got berries.

172

: 00:10:07

Sara: was like I don't know what you do

173

: 00:10:08

Lacey: No,

174

: 00:10:09

Sara: but I'm not okay with that

175

: 00:10:11

Lacey: Although I have seen something

about savory overnight oats, I've never

176

: 00:10:14

tried or experimented with it, but yeah.

177

: 00:10:17

So it, but what it is, is you

have created a menu of options for

178

: 00:10:21

yourself to create, to finish a task.

179

: 00:10:25

Sara: Menu of options I love that

180

: 00:10:28

Lacey: everyone accomplishes the goal.

181

: 00:10:30

Everyone's good.

182

: 00:10:31

You got a little more time,

you got a little more energy.

183

: 00:10:33

Boom, better if you are killing it at

life today, you have the all the time

184

: 00:10:38

in the world to make that breakfast.

185

: 00:10:40

Best you get those macros, fiber stuff in.

186

: 00:10:47

Otherwise your protein bar's

just fine and it's good.

187

: 00:10:49

Good.

188

: 00:10:50

You accomplished it.

189

: 00:10:51

That's good.

190

: 00:10:51

Better, best.

191

: 00:10:52

Sara: we're leaving on a trip and I'm

comfortable sharing this cause this

192

: 00:10:55

podcast won't come out until after the

trip Hello future Sarah So we're gonna

193

: 00:11:00

be going on a trip and as I alluded to

with the five different grocery stores

194

: 00:11:04

and the best price right Like I have a

very particular pre-trip planning I like

195

: 00:11:10

my house to be clean I want the trash

emptied I want all the dishes done I want

196

: 00:11:15

the whole house the back I want everything

so clean that when I come home it feels

197

: 00:11:20

good And realistically we have a dog

sitter who comes and stays at our house

198

: 00:11:25

So there is a kindness involved in that

So there's the pre like getting the house

199

: 00:11:30

ready then there's also the packing and

making sure that I have all the stuff The

200

: 00:11:36

actual getting to the trip So there's two

parts that I'm good better besting but

201

: 00:11:41

with the getting the house ready I already

know I told myself this morning best isn't

202

: 00:11:46

happening Like I I got to just erase I

got to just cross that off So I'm really

203

: 00:11:53

focusing on good enough I'm like okay the

dogs sitter needs clean sheets to sleep on

204

: 00:12:00

I'm assigning cleaning the bathroom she's

gonna be using to my kiddo So I'm like

205

: 00:12:04

okay clean sheets clean bathroom Okay So

actually I think if I stopped there I'd be

206

: 00:12:11

okay It's it makes me a little itchy but

I'm like you know what that's where I am

207

: 00:12:16

And that's what it needs to be from that

If we can get the whole house vacuumed I

208

: 00:12:23

can get someone to take out the trash and

then ideally not me but somebody in my

209

: 00:12:29

house would do the dishes before we leave

so that all the dishes are clean yeah So

210

: 00:12:33

in between having the house immaculate

and just having the sheets clean and the

211

: 00:12:39

bathroom clean there's some wiggle room

but I'm going to be okay And guess what

212

: 00:12:44

My dog's gonna be okay And my dog sitter's

gonna be okay just good enough happens

213

: 00:12:51

Lacey: Also, first of all,

don't say just good enough.

214

: 00:12:53

Good is good.

215

: 00:12:54

Stop qualifying it, miss,

216

: 00:12:57

Sara: Thank

217

: 00:12:57

Lacey: and it's not,

it's not gonna be okay.

218

: 00:12:59

It's gonna be good.

219

: 00:13:01

Everyone's getting what they need.

220

: 00:13:02

You know, I, I, I don't know if

you need a compliment from your dog

221

: 00:13:07

sitter on how well your house is kept.

222

: 00:13:10

I'm gonna say no.

223

: 00:13:11

You know, so I just, I think,

224

: 00:13:14

Sara: Wait hold

225

: 00:13:14

Lacey: good it.

226

: 00:13:15

Sara: I need a compliment from everyone

I am So my my human design I am so

227

: 00:13:23

compliment hungry It's also my Enneagram

design I am yes So that is something We

228

: 00:13:28

are talking from the trenches of life

from we are in the messy middles with

229

: 00:13:32

you people So I am real time discovering

as much as I say like your house is not

230

: 00:13:38

a reflection of you It's totally okay

We all need to open our doors Like I

231

: 00:13:42

need to actually embody that Okay This

is okay We're doing some deep work here

232

: 00:13:48

Lacey: Love it.

233

: 00:13:48

Love everything about it.

234

: 00:13:50

Absolutely.

235

: 00:13:51

Sara: I feel like because I've

said this on the podcast like I

236

: 00:13:55

get to hold myself true to this Now

237

: 00:13:57

Lacey: Well, I mean I look forward

to future Sarah hearing it too.

238

: 00:14:01

'cause I, if I had to guess,

she's gonna need to hear it too.

239

: 00:14:04

Sara: if you just there it's okay

No matter what your house looks

240

: 00:14:06

like when you leave it's okay

241

: 00:14:07

Lacey: Girl.

242

: 00:14:08

You're doing great.

243

: 00:14:08

Way to go.

244

: 00:14:12

Sara: so that's the one That's the one

Good better best And then my other good

245

: 00:14:16

better best is I've really and again I'm

so thankful Lacey prompted me to use this

246

: 00:14:21

tool Again this is I'm helping myself but

I'm doing it with Lacey She prompted me

247

: 00:14:26

She reminded me and I'm like okay what

is the bare minimum I need to pack what

248

: 00:14:31

is what could I absolutely be Would it be

unrealistic to have to buy down there so

249

: 00:14:38

my prescription medications which let's be

honest I have a whole Ziploc bag full of

250

: 00:14:42

those now So my prescription medications

a number one I have to have it would be a

251

: 00:14:48

lot easier if I bring my own swimsuit with

me so I don't have to go swimsuit shopping

252

: 00:14:52

Lacey: Yeah.

253

: 00:14:52

Sara: then some basic clothes So

if my good I have a lot of dreams

254

: 00:14:58

of other things to bring but if

it doesn't happen best is there's

255

: 00:15:03

some games I wanna bring to play

256

: 00:15:06

So yeah I'll be okay I'm gonna

be it's gonna be okay if I

257

: 00:15:10

Lacey: It's gonna be more than, okay,

Sarah, you're gonna have a lovely time.

258

: 00:15:14

You're gonna have what you need, you know?

259

: 00:15:17

It's good.

260

: 00:15:19

Sara: So I made the Valentine's scones

If anybody follows me on threads I made

261

: 00:15:23

Valentine's scones and my dad was a

little jealous because he hasn't had

262

: 00:15:27

one in a long time And so I was thinking

about freezing one and wrapping it

263

: 00:15:31

and then bringing it down to give to

him 'cause that would be really sweet

264

: 00:15:35

But it's okay if that doesn't happen

265

: 00:15:38

Lacey: sorry, Sarah's dad, if it didn't

happen that I think you'll understand.

266

: 00:15:41

Sara: Yeah Yes Everyone understands

I'm coming from a deficit so

267

: 00:15:46

Lacey: Yeah,

268

: 00:15:47

Sara: I think everyone was nervous

I wasn't gonna physically be able

269

: 00:15:49

to make it so I think as long as

I'm physically there that's good

270

: 00:15:53

Lacey: yeah.

271

: 00:15:54

Good.

272

: 00:15:55

See already good.

273

: 00:15:57

Better bested it there already naturally.

274

: 00:15:59

Sara: Yeah I need to use these

tools that I talk about all the time

275

: 00:16:04

I actually have to use the tools

276

: 00:16:07

Lacey: I don't wanna transition.

277

: 00:16:08

Is that, is that how you've

been using the tool or,

278

: 00:16:12

Sara: Yep

279

: 00:16:12

Lacey: oh, okay.

280

: 00:16:12

Sara: I've been using it and I feel

it's been really helpful And now

281

: 00:16:16

I would love to hear your thoughts

282

: 00:16:17

, Lacey: I use good, better, best

literally every day, when I'm

283

: 00:16:20

thinking about my day and what needs

to get done in my prioritization.

284

: 00:16:24

So I use it kind of as a

prioritization tool, where I say, okay.

285

: 00:16:28

Good.

286

: 00:16:28

What do I need to get done today?

287

: 00:16:30

What absolutely needs to happen?

288

: 00:16:32

For example, our newsletter

needs to go out today.

289

: 00:16:35

That's my good for today.

290

: 00:16:36

If the newsletter gets

done, we have nailed it.

291

: 00:16:39

The day is success.

292

: 00:16:41

Boom.

293

: 00:16:42

And then from there I

add on additional things.

294

: 00:16:46

I would like to get our

taxes started today.

295

: 00:16:48

That might be a best,

let's be honest, but still.

296

: 00:16:50

You know, that's still a good thing.

297

: 00:16:52

So it's, it's still, you know,

still if it doesn't get done,

298

: 00:16:56

it's still a successful day.

299

: 00:16:58

I think especially if you're,

a recovering to do, I know

300

: 00:17:02

Sarah loves a to-do list too.

301

: 00:17:04

I love.

302

: 00:17:04

I love that like crossing

off check mark moment.

303

: 00:17:09

And so if you're a person who also

likes that, this is a way to not feel

304

: 00:17:15

guilty editing down your to-do list.

305

: 00:17:18

'cause the stuff's still there.

306

: 00:17:20

It could still get done, but it's

not a failure if it doesn't get done.

307

: 00:17:24

Sara: It's so funny that you said that

because my to-do list is sitting right

308

: 00:17:27

here and Oh baby Baby is it long But

what's great about this one is it has

309

: 00:17:33

up top top three priorities And you

know what I'm gonna do I'm just gonna

310

: 00:17:36

write what are the three what are the

three that have to get done today That

311

: 00:17:41

would jam me up if they didn't I'm

still learning and growing Oh my gosh

312

: 00:17:46

this is actually uncomfortable for me

313

: 00:17:48

Lacey: I mean, I think I'm just always

used to being a very loud mess, so

314

: 00:17:52

it's not uncomfortable, and I do

always assume you have everything

315

: 00:17:57

together, so you know it is what it is.

316

: 00:18:00

Sara: I've got some opportunity for growth

which is great And honestly being injured

317

: 00:18:05

has really Given me that I don't wanna

say forced because I could go right back

318

: 00:18:09

into my other habits but it's really

given me an opportunity to look at how

319

: 00:18:13

to use our tools which is great because

I'm taking this storytelling class So

320

: 00:18:17

I'm gonna figure out a way to convey all

this to our audience these are the tools

321

: 00:18:22

that I could be using to avoid getting

to this place that I found myself in

322

: 00:18:28

Lacey: Well, and I think, I think

it also points to something else

323

: 00:18:30

that we believe in is we believe

in self-help has always made Sarah

324

: 00:18:35

and I feel a little icky, because

325

: 00:18:38

Sara: wait hold on You say icky I feel

a little bit different about self-help

326

: 00:18:43

Lacey: okay.

327

: 00:18:43

I'm sorry.

328

: 00:18:44

Sara: So you give yours

and then I'll give mine

329

: 00:18:46

Lacey: I think a lot of self-help has

this message that you are broken and

330

: 00:18:51

this one particular thing will fix you.

331

: 00:18:55

And then this puts you into this

mindset that you are a project

332

: 00:18:58

that always needs to be done.

333

: 00:19:00

And I think.

334

: 00:19:02

That's not feasible, like there's

no, there's no like prize,

335

: 00:19:07

there's no end line or finish.

336

: 00:19:10

You're always gonna be, you

know, working on yourself.

337

: 00:19:14

And so I almost just good, better,

best in myself in that second of like,

338

: 00:19:18

oh, if good is, you know, working on

myself a little bit better, is working

339

: 00:19:23

on myself a little bit more Best.

340

: 00:19:26

There really isn't a best.

341

: 00:19:27

I mean, there is a best,

but it's still not done.

342

: 00:19:29

It's still not completed.

343

: 00:19:30

We are not a project to be completed.

344

: 00:19:33

And, because of that, I think having

this mindset and hearing us, you know,

345

: 00:19:38

try to figure stuff out over and over

again is really important because,

346

: 00:19:43

when you have someone who's like a.

347

: 00:19:45

Self-help guru on a stage.

348

: 00:19:47

They're like, you wanna be like me?

349

: 00:19:49

I have reached the pinnacle.

350

: 00:19:50

I am.

351

: 00:19:51

All these things.

352

: 00:19:53

It makes you think that if you

don't get to there, then you failed.

353

: 00:19:56

And that's not, that's not it.

354

: 00:19:59

That's not a thing.

355

: 00:20:00

Sara: I do Yes So a lot of what you said

I resonate with I do wanna just draw

356

: 00:20:06

a couple of differences of what we're

357

: 00:20:08

Lacey: Yeah.

358

: 00:20:08

Sara: table which is good It's good

that we're bringing different points

359

: 00:20:11

of view So first of all let's just say

if you found me in a bookstore you'd

360

: 00:20:14

always find me in the self-help section

I have read I don't even know how many

361

: 00:20:19

self-help books in my life A lot I've

been reading self-help books since I

362

: 00:20:22

was in my teens and I've learned a lot

I call it like the self-help smoothie

363

: 00:20:28

Like I take a little bit from this a

little bit from this and a lot of it is

364

: 00:20:31

also philosophy and mindset So it's not

365

: 00:20:34

Lacey: Yeah.

366

: 00:20:34

Sara: self-help but I agree with you that

there is this unspoken if you do this

367

: 00:20:40

everything will be great and I agree with

you There is no finished project That's

368

: 00:20:46

something that to keep remembering too is

it is an every day what does today look

369

: 00:20:53

like How am I feeling today What is my

goal for today it's not this end goal And

370

: 00:20:58

for me the other thing I really struggled

with self-help and the distinction we're

371

: 00:21:01

drawing with practical hug is that alone

that doing it in a silo I read the book

372

: 00:21:07

I have these great ahas I'm sitting by

myself I'm doing this tool by myself And

373

: 00:21:12

there wasn't that common language with

a lot of other people Sometimes there is

374

: 00:21:17

But I like that we're building practical

hug with the intention of you're not

375

: 00:21:22

doing this alone is my deep seated like

I've always want a little community

376

: 00:21:29

with me everywhere I go so I It is It's

yeah it's scratching all those itches

377

: 00:21:34

which I love having the common language

of the self of the tools self-help What

378

: 00:21:40

we need a different term What's another

379

: 00:21:43

Lacey: Self-improvement, personal growth.

380

: 00:21:45

Sara: Making things less shitty

381

: 00:21:47

Lacey: I am a very future oriented person.

382

: 00:21:50

I, I struggle.

383

: 00:21:52

I'm so fu I have this, I am so future

oriented that when I'm reading books

384

: 00:21:57

or watching something that has a

flashback, I get frustrated because

385

: 00:22:01

I'm like, don't take me backwards.

386

: 00:22:03

Like I am like, okay, we got it.

387

: 00:22:04

We got the message.

388

: 00:22:05

I don't need to hear anymore.

389

: 00:22:07

Let's move forward.

390

: 00:22:08

Sara: I love that our differences

compliment one another

391

: 00:22:11

Lacey: yeah.

392

: 00:22:11

Sara: absolutely cracks me up

beyond belief I love flashbacks

393

: 00:22:15

Lacey: Oh my.

394

: 00:22:16

Sara: the more context the better

395

: 00:22:18

Lacey: I have enough information.

396

: 00:22:19

Move on.

397

: 00:22:19

What's happening?

398

: 00:22:21

Anyway, but because I've always

been so future oriented, I've always

399

: 00:22:25

been focusing on that next thing to

get right, reaching that next goal,

400

: 00:22:30

that next peak, that next thing.

401

: 00:22:32

And as we're talking right now,

I'm realizing, oh, I have been

402

: 00:22:36

creating those artificial end goals.

403

: 00:22:40

And then I get to the end goal

and I'm like, well, now what?

404

: 00:22:42

So if I can.

405

: 00:22:43

I don't wanna say repair,

if I can really look at it.

406

: 00:22:46

I, I actually have, I have

been getting a lot better.

407

: 00:22:49

I still don't like flashbacks by the way.

408

: 00:22:51

I just want that to be very clear.

409

: 00:22:53

This is why I can't do a

second chance romance trope.

410

: 00:22:55

'cause I'm like, yeah, we know you

guys didn't succeed the first time.

411

: 00:22:58

Move along.

412

: 00:23:00

Sara: Noted

413

: 00:23:01

Lacey: Same with friends, still lovers.

414

: 00:23:02

I'm like, yeah, okay.

415

: 00:23:03

You guys have been friends.

416

: 00:23:04

It hasn't happened because

of this, this, and this.

417

: 00:23:06

Got it.

418

: 00:23:07

Move along.

419

: 00:23:08

read a lot of romance

if, if you're new here.

420

: 00:23:10

I have gotten a lot better about being

okay in the present and not focusing

421

: 00:23:16

on getting to a specific future.

422

: 00:23:20

Like, when I was advising students as an

academic advisor, they used to, I would

423

: 00:23:24

talk to 'em about their major, right?

424

: 00:23:26

And they're always worried about.

425

: 00:23:28

Picking the wrong major and I was too.

426

: 00:23:31

but I kind of had this realization and

so this is what I told them of like,

427

: 00:23:35

you are not picking a destination.

428

: 00:23:37

You are picking a pathway.

429

: 00:23:39

And if the path needs

to to move, that's fine.

430

: 00:23:44

As long as you are moving

forward, you are making progress.

431

: 00:23:48

You know, it may wind more than you want

it to, but you're just picking a pathway.

432

: 00:23:53

You're moving forward, you're

doing what you can to reach towards

433

: 00:23:58

a future, not a specific end.

434

: 00:24:02

And, and that, you know, there are

things you can do on the path, right?

435

: 00:24:05

To make you more successful in their case.

436

: 00:24:08

And an internship or a research

opportunity joining this club,

437

: 00:24:12

you're, you're making your path more.

438

: 00:24:15

Get more opportunities, you

know, widen for the future.

439

: 00:24:18

But that doesn't mean that you

need to choose path A or path B.

440

: 00:24:22

There are very rarely splits in your

path that you have to pick one or the

441

: 00:24:26

other, and one is right and one is wrong.

442

: 00:24:28

Sara: I really love this conversation

How it's unfold how it's like how I'm

443

: 00:24:33

seeing this now the tools that we're

doing I hadn't thought about it that way

444

: 00:24:38

Like you were talking about you didn't

the self-help part of if you do this

445

: 00:24:43

you will then be like me at this place

of perfection that's the destination

446

: 00:24:47

Okay If only I do these 10 steps then

I will be like this guru on the stage

447

: 00:24:53

That is where I'm going think what's

great and now I'm just like really seeing

448

: 00:24:58

it is the tools that we are sharing is

today How can you be more comfortable

449

: 00:25:05

today Like it's not about and I didn't

realize that until now It is just how

450

: 00:25:12

you feeling today What do you want to be

more comfortable today right let's look

451

: 00:25:16

at this tool Not as in a there will be a

day where you no longer need these tools

452

: 00:25:22

Lacey: Yeah.

453

: 00:25:22

Sara: and don't think I really

understood that until just now

454

: 00:25:26

That's awesome It's been a monumental

455

: 00:25:29

podcast.

456

: 00:25:30

Lacey: growing, always learning.

457

: 00:25:31

And I will say that is something that I

can always latch onto is gimme something

458

: 00:25:36

to learn, gimme something to, grow.

459

: 00:25:38

Like those are, I love the

experience of learning and so that

460

: 00:25:42

has been something that does make

progress a little easier for me.

461

: 00:25:47

I mean, as Sarah knows, I get

excited about something and it's

462

: 00:25:50

like I will figure everything

out about it and then, you know.

463

: 00:25:54

Switch gears, but.

464

: 00:25:55

Sara: And for me talking about the how

to use these tools and it's the journey

465

: 00:26:00

not the destination which I know that

saying is very cliche but I used to beat

466

: 00:26:04

myself up when I used to read all those

self-help books by myself And I would

467

: 00:26:08

get I'd read them I'd have an aha moment

and then six months later I would a day

468

: 00:26:13

later let's be honest I'd be back in pain

Emotional pain And then I would get a

469

: 00:26:18

reminder about whatever that was and I'd

be like I already read this Why do I have

470

: 00:26:23

to read this again Why am I not doing

this I always felt like no I read it once

471

: 00:26:28

I should know it I should be doing it

I should be embodying it after this one

472

: 00:26:33

reading of this book But like we're saying

here it's just it's doing it over and over

473

: 00:26:38

learning to use it in different ways That

is the distinction Our tool is about tools

474

: 00:26:44

Lacey: But I think the other part of it

is it's very easy when you get into those

475

: 00:26:48

spaces that you stay stagnant, right?

476

: 00:26:52

So we're not saying use the tools

to just, you know, put a bandaid

477

: 00:26:57

on it or that kind of stuff.

478

: 00:26:58

Yes, it might put a bandaid on it,

but it's also this element of forward.

479

: 00:27:03

Momentum just doing something,

anything to not feel stuck.

480

: 00:27:09

'cause not everyone is like

me who's like, excuse me, what

481

: 00:27:12

do you mean there's a problem?

482

: 00:27:13

I'm gonna fix a problem.

483

: 00:27:14

Why would we sit here in the problem?

484

: 00:27:15

And I may or may not live

with people like that.

485

: 00:27:18

And it's really changed my

mindset of like, oh, not

486

: 00:27:22

everyone's like there's a problem.

487

: 00:27:23

I'm gonna fix it and then move along.

488

: 00:27:25

And so this this element of.

489

: 00:27:28

Still forward momentum while, you

know, taking what you need in the

490

: 00:27:32

moment, that's what it's all about.

491

: 00:27:34

Sara: Which is why I love the Joyful

Support Tool because I was easily stuck

492

: 00:27:41

in the story and the discomfort What I

love what I say to people and what I love

493

: 00:27:46

about the Joyful Support tool is it gives

you momentum right you don't get stuck

494

: 00:27:50

in the uncomfortable story You don't get

overwhelmed by just trying to do toxic

495

: 00:27:55

positivity to will yourself someplace

It's like a little bit of story a little

496

: 00:27:59

bit of joy and then the step is your

momentum So it's acknowledge movement

497

: 00:28:04

And same with good better best cause if

best feels undoable in this moment then

498

: 00:28:10

You might feel stuck to do anything.

499

: 00:28:11

But if you can find the better the

good or the better version that might

500

: 00:28:16

give you momentum and who knows If

you start with the good you might

501

: 00:28:21

get momentum to check some off The

better or not it doesn't matter We

502

: 00:28:25

appreciate you We adore you either way

503

: 00:28:28

Lacey: Good is done.

504

: 00:28:29

Way to go.

505

: 00:28:30

Did I make that like a little audio clip

that we just start sticking in places.

506

: 00:28:35

Good is done.

507

: 00:28:35

Way to go.

508

: 00:28:36

Sara: that's a button that you get

to hit in your house when you do

509

: 00:28:38

something it's just yep I microwaved

the chicken nuggets and the peas and

510

: 00:28:44

you hit the button Good enough is done

511

: 00:28:46

Lacey: I heard, protein.

512

: 00:28:48

I heard a carb, I heard

some vegetables in there.

513

: 00:28:53

That's a balanced meal.

514

: 00:28:55

Sara: I think the bottom line is

stick with us people gonna cheer you

515

: 00:28:59

Lacey: I.

516

: 00:29:00

Sara: No matter what If you're

listening to this that means

517

: 00:29:03

you're breathing Good job Breathing

Good job Lungs You're awesome

518

: 00:29:06

Lacey: Absolutely.

519

: 00:29:07

Sara: You pushed play That's great

you're killing it You're nailing it

520

: 00:29:11

Lacey: Absolutely.

521

: 00:29:13

Sara: Yeah Go for

522

: 00:29:13

Lacey: seeing my face is

just a joy in, in general.

523

: 00:29:16

You're welcome.

524

: 00:29:18

Sara: You are what was it A res

a renaissance Perfect Renaissance

525

: 00:29:22

Lacey: yes.

526

: 00:29:22

Sara: What was the thing

527

: 00:29:24

Lacey: Renaissance Masters

would be clamoring to, paint me.

528

: 00:29:27

We should, wrap it up

with our gratitude today.

529

: 00:29:31

Do you wanna go first?

530

: 00:29:32

Sara: Curling I am thankful for Olympic

curling It has kept me company on the

531

: 00:29:37

couch I have learned about curling

and let me tell you people it is not

532

: 00:29:42

to be underestimated It is chess with

strategy with the science and physics

533

: 00:29:49

of understanding ice and friction

coefficients And it is when there's a

534

: 00:29:54

team when you've got two or four people

it is about teamwork and communication

535

: 00:29:59

Curling might be the ultimate sport just

most importantly I'm thankful for curling

536

: 00:30:04

for keeping me company on the couch

537

: 00:30:07

Lacey: Do you have opinions about

the curling scandal and the,

538

: 00:30:10

the finger touch on the stone?

539

: 00:30:13

Sara: I do not know about the curling

scandal but I saw there was a podcast

540

: 00:30:18

in my queue that alluded to something

541

: 00:30:21

Lacey: Okay.

542

: 00:30:21

I won't spoil it for you then.

543

: 00:30:23

Okay, this is very specific.

544

: 00:30:25

I am thankful and grateful for

the iPad's ability to kind of

545

: 00:30:30

shut your kids' stuff down.

546

: 00:30:32

To make them do stuff.

547

: 00:30:34

we got to a place this weekend

where mom had her mom, me had

548

: 00:30:39

her, this house is a mess.

549

: 00:30:41

It's gross.

550

: 00:30:42

I don't like being here

and I'm here all the time.

551

: 00:30:44

So you guys need to figure this out.

552

: 00:30:46

No screens until things get done.

553

: 00:30:49

and then I, I mean, I tried to make

it fun and I like said, okay, if you

554

: 00:30:53

clean this room, you've unlocked this.

555

: 00:30:55

If you've cleaned this

room, you've unlocked this.

556

: 00:30:58

And.

557

: 00:30:58

Did it work?

558

: 00:30:59

Yes.

559

: 00:31:00

Was it torture for everyone?

560

: 00:31:02

Absolutely.

561

: 00:31:04

It was awful, but it got done.

562

: 00:31:06

My house feels better.

563

: 00:31:08

And now I get to point to you.

564

: 00:31:10

Remember how awful that

one day was, Isaac?

565

: 00:31:12

Multiple times.

566

: 00:31:12

This is the worst day ever.

567

: 00:31:14

And I'm like, bro, look at your life.

568

: 00:31:15

Look at your choices.

569

: 00:31:17

You're, you're the one stuffing

wrappers from your snacks underneath

570

: 00:31:21

the family room, coffee table.

571

: 00:31:24

I'm not doing that.

572

: 00:31:25

You are.

573

: 00:31:26

So, yeah, you made this day.

574

: 00:31:28

I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm just

the one saying that today's,

575

: 00:31:33

the day it was coming.

576

: 00:31:33

but because I was able to like turn the

iPads on and off remotely, it was a very

577

: 00:31:41

powerful tool and I'm thankful for it.

578

: 00:31:44

Sara: Beautiful

579

: 00:31:45

Lacey: Mm-hmm.

580

: 00:31:45

Sara: it and iPads

581

: 00:31:48

Lacey: thank you Sarah.

582

: 00:31:49

Sara: Thank you Lacey