Episode 7
Joy Circles + Joyful Support Steps: A Simple Tool for Practical Support
Heads up: Joyful Support Movement is now Practical Hug (aka the Practical Hug Network for our podcasts).
In this episode, we share one of our favorite tools: Joyful Support Steps. It’s a simple way to offer support that’s honest, human, and actually helpful.
Sara shares what it was like to host their first in-person Joy Circle, and we walk through the three parts of the tool:
- Story: what’s real right now
- Joy: what’s helping you breathe a little easier
- Step: one small next action that feels doable
If you’re tired of “good vibes only,” allergic to perfection culture, or you want support that doesn’t turn you into a project, you’re in the right place.
In This Episode
- The rebrand: why Practical Hug (and what’s staying the same)
- Joyful Support Steps (Story / Joy / Step), and why it’s a tool you can use anywhere
- Sara’s first in-person Joy Circle: what surprised them, and what participants asked for
- The origin story of the tool (including the first time Sara used it with Lacey)
- Holding space for hard things without toxic positivity (or chronic complaining)
- Why this isn’t “self-help that fixes your life,” and what we actually mean by support
- The bigger vision for Joy Circles (decentralized, community-based, and meant to spread)
Timestamps (approx.)
0:00 — Welcome + rebrand announcement
2:00 — Sara’s first in-person Joy Circle (10 total, hosted at Petal and Hive)
3:20 — Joyful Support Steps: Story / Joy / Step
6:40 — Using the tool in parenting + “we’re not experts” disclaimer
7:50 — Sara runs the steps on the Joy Circle (Story / Joy / Step)
10:00 — Why Joy Circles are decentralized (AA inspiration) + accessibility + future direction
12:00 — How the tool can spread (solo, with a friend, in circles, facilitators)
13:00 — The first time Sara used the steps with Lacey (Indy)
16:00 — Toxic positivity, chronic complaining, and why “joy is always there”
19:45 — Gratitude (hair + sunshine)
Mentioned in This Episode
- Petal and Hive — all-natural beauty products (venue for Joy Circle)
- Britt Frank — researcher and writer who talks about “micro yeses”
Upcoming Joy Circle Events
- Last Wednesday of February (Saratoga Springs / Albany Capital Region)
- Morning Joy Circle at a woman-owned coffee shop (details coming soon)
Connect with Joyful Support Movement:
- Visit our website to learn more about our community and resources
- Join the Joyful Support Village for peer-to-peer support
- Subscribe to The Practical Hug newsletter for weekly support in your inbox
- Submit a Joy Moment, No Shame Question, or guest idea
- Follow us on Instagram: @joyfulsupportmovement
- Follow us on TikTok: @joyfulsupportmovement
- Review and rate this podcast to help others find us
- Share this episode with someone who needs to hear it
Transcript
Welcome to No Shame In Our Game.
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:The podcast that cares.
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:I still go back to it How your life feels.
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:Not Looks still the same.
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:Still the same thing.
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:oh.
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:I'm Lacey, you're a little, flustered.
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:Co-host today with Sarah, our
giggling co-host at my flustered ness.
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:Hi Sarah.
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:Sara: Hi Sarah Hi Sarah Hi
Sarah Oh my gosh I just said
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:Lacey: Oh, you will hear more
Violet in the background.
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:She's currently having the time
of her life watching this Rachel,
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:Sara: hi Sarah
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:Lacey: Hey, welcome yourself.
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:That's fine.
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:Sara: No it's just I keep getting older
Like I talk to myself like now I'm like
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:saying hi to myself talk to birds like
I'm just leaning into this older age
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:Consider me your elder I'm good with that
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:Lacey: Do you wanna say.
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:Sara: Oh hi Lacey
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:Lacey: some like housekeeping
stuff maybe that we will start
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:to talk about and address.
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:We are rebranding the Joyful
Support Movement to Practical
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:Hug, which feels so good.
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:I wrote about it in our
newsletter the newsletter's
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:called The Practical Hug and just.
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:the more that Sarah and I have
said that the more that we've just
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:fallen in love with that name.
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:And the more that we wanna be very
clear that what we are offering is
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:practical and emotional support.
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:And so the practical hug that feels
like it says exactly what we want.
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:Sara: Yes When you came up with the
name for that newsletter I was so
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:excited and yeah when you said when
this all came about I was just like oh
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:yeah this all feels it just feels right
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:Lacey: Yeah.
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:Sara: it just feels right
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:Lacey: We will be the Practical
Hug Network, but the good news
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:is Joyful Support still exists.
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:It's one of our tools, and we're
actually gonna talk about the
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:Joyful Support tool today and the
exciting first event we've ever done.
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:Sara: Yes I mentioned in a previous
newsletter that I did an in-person Joy
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:Circle which is doing the joyful support
steps which we will go into a little bit
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:more and doing them in a group environment
cause there's no wrong way to do this
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:but there is a little bit of Magic When
you bring people together with the same
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:intention you've seen that in all areas
of your life Whatever activity it is
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:there's just something you can't put
your finger on oh my gosh yes I was so
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:excited to introduce the tool to more
people and to do it in person and just
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:see how people relaxed and unfolded
and what they took away was beautiful
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:Lacey: Not that I didn't think
you would have people, but you had
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:eight participants, which in person
in the middle of January feels.
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:Sara: Yes
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:Lacey: end of January.
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:Sara: Yes it was 10 total with me and
the owner of the place where we hosted
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:it Jillian shout out pedal and hive
all natural beauty products 10 of us
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:together It was so perfect And yeah
same thing I thought it's cold it's dark
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:people wanna get home But no everyone
showed up early and was excited and
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:I was nervous I was gonna be sitting
there staring at the wall but I trusted
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:that everyone who needed to show up
would show up and that's what happened
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:Lacey: So real quick, we'll go through
the joyful support steps, quick
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:Origin, joyful support, origin story.
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:This is from Sarah and I's relationship
In our partnership, we kind of figured
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:out how our two life experiences and.
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:Businesses came together and came up
with this practice that we essentially
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:kind of did together anyway.
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:, We do it back and forth
to each other regularly.
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:We start most over meetings this
way now where we do these steps
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:just because they're very grounding
and they're very rooted in action.
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:Reflection at the same time.
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:So this is where our, story,
joy step concept comes from.
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:So the first step is.
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:Stories.
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:So like what's going on?
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:Now, this can be a big story like
your life, but it can just be right
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:now this stupid thing just happened
and that's where my brain is at.
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:So you can really make it big or small.
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:Totally up to you, joy.
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:Any, any joy, gratitude, happiness,
nugget of something that is bringing
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:you that, that good feeling within.
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:And then step, and again, the smallest
of steps, the biggest of steps,
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:whatever you need in that moment.
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:It doesn't have to be related
to your story, it doesn't have
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:to be related to your joy.
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:They can all be different.
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:But the idea here is you're
kind of defining where you are.
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:You're getting some.
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:Joy fuel to move forward, and
then you're figuring out that
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:step to move forward, and we found
it to be a really powerful tool.
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:Sara: I get excited just hearing you talk
about that because it has helped me so
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:much So when you talk about it my body
is yes let's do it right what I love is
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:I've been in therapy since oh my gosh
40 30 I don't know just go with three
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:decades what I found was the therapist
that I work with that gave me tools to
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:put my toolbox Those were the ones that
felt the most impactful it's one thing
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:to just to talk about it What you do with
your therapist is your story but then
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:to have that tool so I love that this
is like a tool that you can always have
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:with you it's accessible It's easy It's
helpful And like you said it is pausing
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:to reflect And then also action based
right So it's not all one or the other
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:I'm so excited for people to use this tool
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:Lacey: I've said this before.
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:I've used this in my parenting when
I'm like sitting with my kid and
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:I know they need something from
me and I don't know what to do.
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:I've used these, these things of
like, alright, well are you ready
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:to talk about what's going on?
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:No.
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:Okay, well then let's think of something
that will come back to that one.
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:Let's think of something that makes
us happy and, you know, or, or joy.
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:And it's been a really good way.
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:To kind of structure, especially those
like, moments after a big, meltdown or
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:whatnot, because it kind of helps them
like ground themselves in that stuff too.
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:and let me just say, Sarah and I are not.
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:Sara: Leaders
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:Lacey: We're not, that, we're
not, psychological researchers
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:or anything like that.
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:And we're basing this in our
own practice, in our own lives.
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:And I can find elements of this
in a lot of different things.
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:Like one of my, favorite,
self-help writers, her name's
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:Brit Frank, and one of the things
she talks about are micro yeses.
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:What are the smallest.
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:Little thing that you can say yes to.
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:And I'm like, yeah, that's the step.
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:So this is isn't necessarily anything
groundbreaker new, we know that.
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:But what it is, is it's putting it in
this nice little box that you can then
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:access quickly and know what to do next.
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:I just had an idea.
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:What if you did the joyful
support steps about your event?
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:So tell us the story of the event,
like kind of how it went and how it
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:was felt, feeling some joy from it.
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:And then I know you have some steps
that you are thinking about moving
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:forward because, this was our first
time doing our, it was yours, you
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:did everything, but it was your
first time doing it, all that stuff.
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:Sara: That's a great idea Thank you
for that invitation So the story is it
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:was beautiful There were people I knew
and people I didn't know People brought
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:friends that was just beautiful and the
space we held it in I was proud of myself
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:for doing something I'd never done before
in hopes that it would help others That
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:those that's part of my story And then
there's more to the story which is I also
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:did not walk away feeling as good as I
thought I would feel And it wasn't a bad
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:feeling I think I was really hoping for
that Like I'm going to Disneyland feeling
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:of just top of the mountain which I later
was able to break down I was really in
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:administrative mode that was keeping me
from really being in the moment because
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:I was very much looking at the time and
guiding people and like thinking about
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:the setup and the breakdown So that's
okay but that is part of the story and
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:that is part of the truth all of that is
the story And then joy of the event was
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:How much afterwards or during people were
connecting there was a part where people
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:could invite for input for this thing
that doesn't feel good in my life what is
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:I'm open to suggestions And then people
got to say what I've done or what I know
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:about and the level of collaboration and
encouragement And it was so beautiful
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:I could have cried I probably did cry
honestly It was just so beautiful and
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:then the feedback I kept this is a lot
of joy And then the feedback that I kept
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:getting either right after the event or
text messages or just the feedback I kept
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:getting from people of just yes I need
more of this This felt so good that all
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:felt just so beautiful And then my steps
are I am First I'm changing the format
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:a little bit I had everyone do the steps
like altogether like this And I think next
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:time I'm actually gonna invite everyone
to do their story And we'll do we'll
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:focus on story as a group and then we'll
focus on Joy as a group And then I'm also
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:sending out a survey to the people who
attended cause I wanna know What really
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:resonated with them what let them up And
I also wanna know what could be improved
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:Like I want to refine this experience
so I'm gonna be open to feedback and I
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:already scheduled my next one which if
you're in the Saratoga Springs Albany
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:Capital region next one is the last
Wednesday of February and stay tuned I'm
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:trying to schedule a morning one that
will be held in a woman owned coffee shop
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:but I don't have details on that one yet
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:Lacey: I'm just over here
like cheesing smiling.
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:I wanna kind of take a step back
because these, in-person events and
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:what we envisioned for what we now
call joy circles or week meetings that
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:we thought about doing online, and
we will do them online eventually we
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:just, it made more sense to start with
Sarah in person and that kind of stuff.
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:we were actually really inspired a
lot by AA Alcoholics Anonymous and
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:the idea of like, people being able to
show up and share their story and be
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:there getting support in the moment.
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:But the more research that I did about
AA as an organization, it really aligns
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:with what we kind of wanna do with
these events and joyful support in that.
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:It's decentralized.
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:It's about being in that moment.
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:It's not about being right, it's
not about going up the chain
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:and all these different things.
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:And something else that Sarah and I
have talked about is, Our goal is for
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:these to not necessarily be paid events
in at some point, but to be free.
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:Like, because we want this to be such
a, an inclusive and, supportive space.
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:I just wanted to give people like this
frame of reference of what, where we
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:started, kind of how we've been making
these decisions and joy circles.
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:and how that kind of also informs where
we want them to go in the future as well.
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:Sara: I wanna take this tool and I wanna
give the audience an idea of how I see
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:it spreading and being utilized And then
I wanna circle back to the beginning and
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:share the first time I used it with you
as far as spreading yes I was very clear
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:at Joy Circle I said I'm not gatekeeping
this I encourage all of you to take this
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:tool share it with anyone you think you
know would benefit And I told people I
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:say I do this tool sometimes a hundred
times a day when I'm having a tough day So
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:this tool can be done by yourself It can
be done with a friend I do voice memos to
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:Lacey all the time with my steps then it
can be done in a circle And then my dream
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:is to teach other facilitators to do joy
circles I want these to be part of mom's
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:groups at libraries I want them to be part
of knitting circles Like I want it to be
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:something that people utilize and spread
Because it is such an easy universal tool
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:that I think will have that beautiful
joy ripple which is what we're doing here
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:then I wanna go back to the beginning Yes
When Lacey and I had our ha aha moments
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:Lacey brought the story aspect Which is
so important in understanding where you
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:are and taking a moment to just be honest
about what's going on even if it doesn't
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:feel good And then I brought the step
people who know me I'm very step oriented
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:What is the next step Is probably my most
frequent sentence What is the next step
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:And then we just we knew there needed
to be that third element and that's we
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:together came up with the joy element
and so I wanted to share the first time
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:I used this Lacey's dog had passed away
and I was sitting in my car I remember
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:it was raining and I remember I just my
heart hurt for you And I thought oh my
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:gosh what do I say What do I say What
do I say And then I was like oh this is
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:exactly And so I just invited Lacey and
I said would you like to do the steps
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:And you did And I remember feeling oh my
gosh I can show up as a friend and invite
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:you to the do the steps And then by you
doing them it felt like it It supported
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:you And then by me bearing witness it
just felt ugh It just felt beautiful
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:So you tell me about your first time
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:Lacey: I do remember that very clearly.
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:'cause I think that was a.
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:Important moment for us, and
I think it's important because
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:When we talk about support, one
of the things we talked about
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:is that it's kind of like a hug.
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:When you give a hug, you also get a hug.
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:That was the first time I realized
by you giving me support, you
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:also got something out of it.
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:And also now I was like, yeah, that's
why it's called the practical hug.
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:When I give a hug, I also get a hug.
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:sorry.
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:I just got really excited.
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:Something that I've.
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:Learned in my experience of
being chronically ill is that
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:people have wonderful intentions.
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:They want to show up for you.
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:They don't know how.
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:And it was one of the first
times that I thought, oh.
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:This could be a really great thing
for people to start with of, I
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:don't know how to show up for you.
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:I don't know what to say.
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:So here this is a thing that you can
say to people like, Hey, do you wanna
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:do the joyful support steps with me?
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:Like that I think was one of the most.
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:Important things for me is seeing
that giving and receiving in real
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:time and how much I got out of it.
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:And it also gave me the opportunity, I,
I told you, especially when we talk about
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:that particular instance with indie,
like in my mind, so indie, let me just,
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:I wanted everyone to be very clear.
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:Indie is very important.
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:He, was like my first baby.
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:I had wanted a dog my entire life.
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:Iny was my first dog,
and he was my soul dog.
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:being able to tell you our story, my story
of why he was so important to me, it felt
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:so good in that time, because it didn't.
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:Belittle that experience, right?
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:I got to, do that.
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:but I also got to sit in a lot of the
joys that came with it, and not feel.
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:Bad about feeling sad, but also
not feel bad about celebrating
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:those good parts of him.
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:it all got to be there in one place.
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:I didn't have to choose.
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:I didn't have to have one or the other.
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:It all got to exist at once and
that is something I am not good at.
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:So to have something that gives
that space for all the good and the
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:bad and whatever is happening, that
has been really helpful for me.
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:Sara: Yes I have so many different
things I can say from that one is Yes
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:Growing up for me what I observed a
lot from the adults around me is things
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:were either good or bad happy or sad
like very dichotomy And one of the tools
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:that I've really enjoyed learning as an
adult is that things can be two things
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:at the same time right Like packing for
a trip to Hawaii can be exciting it can
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:be overwhelming Like it's okay for them
to be both And yes like you said I love
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:that this tool brings everything together
And we've said over and over and I will
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:say this many more times it's not about
toxic positivity We are never saying joy
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:because we don't wanna see your upsetness
We're saying joy is always there We're
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:bringing joy to the table So whatever's
going on with your story is valid a
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:hundred percent But let's not forget
joy still exists So it's bringing that
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:dichotomy and then yes the step is giving
you that that movement and that momentum
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:Lacey: Well, I'm a recovering
perfectionist is one of the titles I give
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:myself, but I haven't said this out loud.
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:I'm a recovering, toxic,
positivity person too.
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:I have always naturally been positive.
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:Like that is a skill that was wired
into me and I'm so thankful for it.
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:But I can look back at times where
I was like, woo, girl, you were just
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:ignoring a bunch of stuff, weren't you?
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:And that having something that
allows that positive part of me,
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:to exist and the story exists.
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:I think another thing that Sarah and
I, Also wanna be very cognizant of is
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:like one of the problems that I have
with self-help in general is that comes
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:along with this underlying belief or myth
that you can change your circumstance
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:and that if you just work hard enough,
if you just let all the bad people
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:go and do all the things that you're
supposed to do, wake up at 5:00 AM
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:and have a magical morning, whatever.
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:If you do all those things your life,
it's gonna get fixed and it's not.
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:We still live in an an equal society.
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:There are so many different inequalities
and outside forces, especially right now
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:in our world that are uncontrollable at
the individual level, and we don't expect
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:anyone to be able to change their life
and individual level because of this tool.
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:But what we do know is that this
tool can make it a little bit easier.
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:And a little bit better.
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:We're not gonna, it's not gonna solve
all your problems, but at least it
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:can do something, and it's also not
gonna minimize the genuine crap that
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:you have in your particular situation.
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:Sara: I just realized something as
you said all that You said you are
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:a recovering toxic positivity I'm a
recovering chronic complainer I actually
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:had some conflict in relationships because
I complained so much and it was embedded
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:in me like a like computer programming It
was embedded in me and I even knew it and
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:then it was like trying to change it so
it's I never realized we came at it from
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:two very opposite ends of the spectrum
And it's funny cause people now especially
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:if you follow me on threads like I'm all
about joy and whimsy and being silly and
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:playful And sometimes I'll mention you
know that this isn't who I was Like I had
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:to practice at this And people are like
what No way And it's yeah no if you used
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:to see me I used to have a scowl on my
face I used to complain all the time When
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:I say complain I mean saying the same
thing over and over I don't mean sharing
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:something difficult Absolutely share
something difficult I would harp on the
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:same things over and over without doing
anything So what I like about this is
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:that step part it gives you momentum and
it like even if your step has nothing to
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:do with the problem It for me it reminds
me like what do I have control over Can I
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:put on some music I have control over that
what can I do even if I can't solve the
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:thing that's upsetting me And I think that
was what I needed what I like to share
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:with others if you live in my house you've
heard me say you get to complain once The
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:second time you complain about the same
thing you're asking for a solution Because
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:I used to complain so much that now I'm
like I don't wanna hear it more than once
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:Lacey: I feel like that's a
good kind of winding down point.
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:I know we talked about a little
bit how we're becoming the
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:practical hug, but joyful support
steps are still one of our tools.
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:We have kind of pulled the tools
out of home management for everyone.
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:And that kind of stuff so they can be
used in all different contexts of life.
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:And we are currently building
a new toolkit, place to
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:learn and do these things.
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:And it's like the light
of my life right now.
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:I'm, I'm building an app.
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:Don't worry about it.
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:Anyway, this is something you're gonna
hear more from us here on No Shame
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:in our game, It became very clear to
Sarah and I that we want to make sure
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:people recognize and have access to
these tools and we wanna be there to
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:help them do it and to do it together
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:Sara: Yes You are not alone
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:Lacey: Yeah.
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:Sara: That was one of the biggest things
from the joy circle bringing this all
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:circling this back together is everyone
got to see that everyone else is going
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:through something and even though we
couldn't fix each other's problems okay
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:I am not alone Everyone's got something
going on and there was comfort in that
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:Lacey: Well, we do like to end no shame
in our game with a moment of gratitude.
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:I have a really, really silly one.
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:Sara: Yeah let's
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:Lacey: I'm thankful for my hair.
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:I'm grateful for my hair.
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:for some reason I have really nailed
down my messy bun look to a place where
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:I feel is very like Bridget Bardo.
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:Nineties, Pam Anderson of like
messy but adorable and like
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:all those different things.
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:And I, the past three days, it's just
happened and I am feeling it 'cause
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:my hair has to be up 'cause it's
constantly being pulled on by a child.
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:but I've got my bangs and
I feel like it softens it.
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:I don't leave the house.
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:So it's just nice to feel
like I'm not a complete mess.
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:And that's what my hair has
been doing for me lately.
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:Sara: It is adorable I've never been able
to do that with my hair I am appreciating
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:it it's ados mine is a little bit of
appreciating the joy to know the story
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:first which is I am entering my third
week of debilitating back pain I am taking
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:steps to figure out what it is So we're
getting there But so my joy is The sun
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:is out I say that because it's making the
world a difference with my mood that's
351
:it Like the pain comes and goes and is
there but I look outside and I can see
352
:the sun and it's two fricking degrees
It's so freaking cold but the sun is
353
:out and it It feels good and I love it
and it makes me smile and thank you son
354
:Please stick around because it's making
a big difference So that's mine sunshine
355
:Lacey: As always, thank you Sarah.
356
:Sara: Thank you Lacey I
