Episode 1
Welcome To No Shame in Our Game - Where Self-Help meets Community Support
Welcome to No Shame in Our Game!
We are evolving from No Shame in the Home Game, and putting it on steroids (in a good way, not like a roid rage way). We're expanding from home management questions to being your resource for anything in life where you're not sure where to turn.
Not sure how to set up a laundry system? Ask us. Not sure how to start a family budget? Ask us. Not sure about the etiquette of gift-giving with neighbors? Ask us. Think of us as your loving aunties or big sisters who care about how your life feels, not how it looks.
We talk about why the self-help industry feels icky to us, why we don't do shoulds, and how community support beats solo hustle every time. We share our Enneagram helper energy, our love of advice-giving, and why shame has no place in getting help with life.
Plus, we get into Sara's perfect thrift store shirt from Zara and Lacey's wild week of unexpected TikTok validation involving the Sabrina Carpenter, “Tears,” trend.
What We Cover:
- Why we're expanding beyond home management to all-life questions
- The difference between toxic self-help and community support
- How to submit your questions anonymously
- Why we focus on possibilities instead of shoulds
- The three pillars of Joyful Support: Story, Joy, and Step
- Why we're anti-girl-boss and pro-making-life-easier
Important Links!
- Submit your questions
- Follow us on Instagram
- Follow us on TikTok
- Follow us on Threads
- Join The Village community
- Subscribe to The Practical Hug newsletter
We're so glad you're here. Whether you've been with us from the beginning or you're just joining now, we appreciate you being part of this journey with us.
Transcript
I realize this is gonna be my first time saying Welcome
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:to No shame in our game, I am
Lacey, here with Sarah, my cohost.
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:Hi Sarah.
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:Sara: Hi Lacey.
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:It's so lovely to see
you this morning and.
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:I'm so excited.
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:Okay.
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:We're so excited.
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:I'm gonna jump right in.
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:I'm not even doing a banter,
I'm just gonna jump right in.
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:Lacey: Yeah.
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:Sara: changing, making us smaller.
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:We're changing, making us bigger,
which I'm very excited about.
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:So those of you who've been
with us from the beginning, no.
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:We started out talking about home
management and It was podcast Met
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:Reality Show, and we brought on guests
and we followed them through some kind
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:of change in their home that I could
support them through, which is my passion.
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:And it's not about how it looks,
it was about how it feels.
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:So it was all about following somebody
through the journey of making their home.
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:Feel a certain way, and then we realized
that there were other things we could do.
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:We could answer questions,
we could bring in experts.
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:So things naturally were expanding
for us, which I loved and Lacey loved,
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:and our audience seemed to enjoy.
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:we decided let's go even wider.
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:So we are now.
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:of no shame in the home game, we're now no
shame in our game, which means there's no
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:shame in asking questions about anything.
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:If you aren't sure it's still, it
still includes a household management.
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:If you're not sure how to set up
a laundry system that works for
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:you or you're not sure how to
clean out your dryer lint trap.
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:You get to ask us.
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:If you're not sure how to start a budget
for your family and you don't even know
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:where to turn to, you, come and ask us
if you're not sure in the formality of
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:like, do I give a gift to this neighbor
who gave me this really expensive candle
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:that I love, but I don't wanna give
them a hundred dollars candle back?
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:Come to us, let's talk about it.
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:are your one stop shop for
all things you need help with.
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:Any form of help, you're
not sure where to turn to.
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:You're not even sure what the question
and the problem is, that's us.
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:That's what we're here for.
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:Same great help with expanded
bucket of what you can throw at us.
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:Lacey: I love it and I wanna kind of
take the little self-help aspect of it.
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:Something that's been popping around
in my mind a lot lately is, and this
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:wouldn't be the first time you've
probably heard me say this, I hate,
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:first of all, I hate the term self-help.
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:I also the self-help industry, even
though kind of that's where we are,
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:feels kind of icky to me a little bit
because it's so focused on you working on
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:yourself, by yourself and all that stuff.
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:When we, we aren't by ourselves.
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:We live in a world, we live in a
community and by saying we're doing
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:self-help together as a community, we are.
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:Kind of taking ownership together.
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:It's not all about just you as
the individual, just fixing your
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:problems, screw everybody else.
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:No, you're allowed to work on
your problems with other people.
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:You're allowed to recognize that
you're part of this larger system and
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:not everything is your fault, but you
can take autonomy to figure out how
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:to move forward with other people.
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:That kind of is a big part of, of
where this comes from too, is Sarah
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:and I owning that we wanna be in the
quote unquote self-help space, but in
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:our own way that is a little less girl
bossy, which is what came to my mind.
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:Sara: Sweet.
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:Lacey: is it right.
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:Sara: what do you mean by girl bossy?
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:Lacey: The concept of girl boss
is like, it's kind of like the
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:same thing of the Supermom.
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:Like, I'm gonna come in and I'm
gonna do everything and I'm gonna
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:hustle and I'm gonna work harder
and I'm gonna, I don't want that.
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:I want, I want to figure out
how to make our lives easier.
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:I want to live with more
joy, not more stuff.
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:You know what I mean?
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:Sara: On that note,
shame in the home game.
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:we don't care how your home looks.
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:We care how it feels.
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:No shame in our game is.
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:Whatever your goal is
in life, we don't care.
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:we definitely care how it feels.
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:Lacey: Yeah.
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:Sara: answer any questions, like Lacey
said, you're not in this by yourself.
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:here to help you.
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:But if your life isn't feeling awesome
and one area that you feel like I don't
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:know where to turn, that's where we are.
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:We care how your life feels
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:Lacey: Well, and I also think
it scratch is a niche that both
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:Sarah and I have always loved.
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:And that's, advice giving.
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:I've always loved being the friend
that people come to ask advice from.
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:And so this feels a little bit like, being
that friend for people on a larger level.
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:Sara: Absolutely.
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:When I was little, I loved
the section in the newspaper.
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:That was Dear Abby.
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:I loved that.
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:I loved having another person's
perspective, hearing what people had going
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:on, and yes, I feel so honored when people
come to me and ask me questions, per, you
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:know, friends on like a personal basis.
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:I'm like, wow, they chose
me and they want my.
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:So, yes, I do love that.
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:I am very careful these days to not give
unsolicited advice, so I love that as this
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:podcast format, we can truly only answer
the questions that are brought to us.
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:Lacey: And our answers
don't come with shoulds.
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:That's another thing that I
feel like we don't see a lot.
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:For example, talking about anti self-help.
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:if you remember what, five, six years ago,
Rachel Hollis's, go wash your face Girl.
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:Wash your face was like the biggest thing.
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:I'm not gonna tell you
what to do like that.
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:That feels aggressive to me and
someone telling me what to do.
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:No, thank you.
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:You can ask for help.
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:We will give you ideas and
if you don't use them, okay.
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:You know, maybe our ideas
can spark something else.
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:That kinda stuff.
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:This is not based off of shoulds.
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:This is based off of possibilities,
based off of forward movement in any way.
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:Not like confining ourselves to one thing.
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:And that's really important when
we're looking at no shame, shame
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:and shoulds go together, so we're
not interested in shoulds here.
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:Sara: I love that saying,
should all over yourself.
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:Lacey: You know, stop.
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:Should all over yourself.
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:I have a mug with that on it
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:Sara: love that because for the majority
of my life I was shoulding all over
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:myself all the time and it felt horrible.
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:and along the same lines of we're not
gonna tell you what to do as a mom.
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:to teach my child how to become a
fully functioning adult in this world.
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:I put everything through the lens of
life lessons, so not the specifics of
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:what's going on, but sort of zooming out.
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:And I say, you don't have to have all
the answers, no one expects you to,
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:but you get to know how to identify
your resources and how to use them.
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:if anyone's still trying to
figure out what exactly is this
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:podcast now we're a resource.
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:We are a
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:Lacey: Yeah.
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:Sara: When you are not sure about
something, something doesn't feel good,
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:like, Lacey said, we're not telling
you what to do, what you should do.
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:We're saying, here's some options
that maybe you didn't know about.
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:We're out there.
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:Here's an expert that we know, that we
trust, that we can connect you with.
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:We can.
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:Hold your question with a lot
of compassion and then offer
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:suggestions, and then you get
to pick what feels good to you.
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:No shame.
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:No, no shame.
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:Lacey: One of our core tenets
of joyful support where we're
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:not about toxic positivity.
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:part of doing that is talking
about how things actually are and
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:not, again, how they should be.
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:Not covering up details,
you know what I mean?
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:Not feeling bad by how we got there,
but just how they actually are so
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:then we can move forward from that.
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:Sara: Absolutely.
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:And again, going back to our origins
in home management, because that was
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:the work I was doing and I was seeing
and feeling the shame that a lot of
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:women were carrying around their homes.
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:If something doesn't feel good,
I always say that's the red flag
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:telling you it needs attention.
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:It doesn't mean that you're
supposed to keep feeling shameful.
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:It just means that needs some attention.
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:You need some guidance,
direction, comfort.
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:whatever in your life doesn't feel good.
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:We're here to help you
and say, you're not alone.
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:Other people have that
same thing going on too.
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:Let's talk about a solution.
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:Think of us as like your loving aunties.
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:Like, yes, let us help you.
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:Come on, open up.
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:We're here.
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:We're gonna make you feel good about
this, and make you feel like you have a
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:plan and make feel like you have tools.
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:this podcast is under the umbrella of
joyful support, which is three steps.
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:There's a story and there's
joy, and there's taking a step.
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:So by expanding no shame in our
game, it's about taking a step
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:in any direction in your life.
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:We can talk about accountability
buddies around exercise.
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:We can talk about, you know, how
do you hire, how do you let go of a
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:contractor that maybe you don't have
a good relationship with right now?
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:Like, how do you find
those healthy boundaries?
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:how do you say things?
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:How do you find the resources?
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:Lacey: I appreciate you grounding in why
we made this choice and it was so that
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:we could better align with this goal of
the overall joyful support movement and
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:our other two podcasts do a good job
of that already, sharing the middle.
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:It's all about sharing stories.
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:The messiness of life and those middle
stories and joy moments, all about
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:moments of joy and spreading that joy.
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:And we wanted no shame in our game to
be more inclusive of all the different
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:steps that we could take moving forward
to keep that momentum, to be able to
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:live a more joyful and fulfilling life.
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:Sara: I am excited to help people.
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:I am such a helper in the Enneagram.
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:I'm, I'm a helper,
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:Lacey: I am too.
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:Sara: we're helpers
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:Lacey: We're helpers.
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:Sara: This is what we enjoy doing.
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:And so if you think, oh,
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:Lacey: Mm-hmm.
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:Sara: to hear this.
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:Oh, I've gotta keep this by myself.
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:No, no.
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:We,
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:Lacey: We want,
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:Sara: for
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:Lacey: we want to.
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:Sara: We live for this.
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:you can submit anonymously.
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:You can submit not anonymously.
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:You can tag us on social media at
Lacey, fill in the blank somewhere.
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:They can get in touch with us.
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:Lacey: Joyful support movement.
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:We're not doing individual, show social
medias 'cause Lacey can't handle that much
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:Sara: That is awesome.
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:Lacey: too much.
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:Sara: can they still go to the website
and fill out an anonymous form?
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:Lacey: Absolutely.
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:and we'll, I'm, we're gonna have a Lincoln
Bio that specifically has all three
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:of our forms for all of our podcasts.
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:Sara: And going back to the,
you're safe to share it here truth
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:Lacey: really does.
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:Sara: when you feel good enough, when
you feel strong enough or safe enough
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:to share whatever it is with us, no
matter what it is, the thing is it's
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:actually gonna help other people.
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:' cause other people are gonna hear that and
they're gonna realize they're not alone.
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:And by doing that.
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:being vulnerable and asking your
question, you're helping other people.
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:So it's really this beautiful two-way
street and then you're fulfilling
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:our dreams of helping people.
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:so all that to say.
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:Lacey: You are doing us a favor.
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:Sara: us a favor by giving
us things to talk about.
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:We'll still have experts on I,
we have some experts in mind that
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:we're gonna bring on that will be
helpful in cultivating that life
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:that you want, how you want it
to feel, not about how it looks.
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:Lacey: I also just wanna say, and
this is Sarah and I manifesting, in
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:the world, our idea of reality show
is not dead, Sarah and I just now
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:actually have a, a like full idea of
a, an actual TV reality show of going
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:into people's houses and, someday.
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:It will come to life because
I keep dreaming about it, like
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:actually seeing in my head.
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:So it's gonna happen anyway that's
something that we both still really
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:particularly love and it was actually
one of the hardest parts for me.
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:I don't know if you know that, of
like kind of letting go of telling
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:that story of someone over a period
of time and that kind of stuff, but.
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:It is gonna happen in a
different format in the future.
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:Just you wait, and if anybody
is a reality TV producer and
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:wants to know more, let us know.
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:Sara: you can hear how excited we are.
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:We feel this just felt like the natural
next step, and we're so excited.
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:For those of you who've been with us from
the beginning, you've seen it evolve.
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:And for those of you who are
joining now, we're so excited.
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:We're excited to have everyone with us.
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:you're here, we appreciate you being
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:Lacey: We're
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:Sara: Yes,
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:Lacey: excitable.
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:Sara: I'm not always excitable.
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:Lacey: I'm excitable.
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:Sara: If I talk about birds,
that does not excite you.
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:if you talk about what's that reality
show you like with the Vander pumps,
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:Lacey: Oh, Vander pump rules.
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:Sara: excite me,
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:, Lacey: For right now we'll just
say housewives 'cause yeah,
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:you start talking about birds
and Lacey, I love that for you.
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:Sara: I know and I love that for you.
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:Lacey: See?
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:Sara: for everyone here.
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:We don't have to
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:Lacey: Yeah.
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:Sara: on what excites us, but
we can love it for one another.
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:Lacey: Oh, well.
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:do we still wanna do a
moment of gratitude, Sarah?
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:Okay.
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:Do you wanna go first?
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:Sara: So another thing about me,
everyone's getting to learn me.
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:I love shopping at thrift stores
and consignment stores because
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:when you go onto like a regular
store, it's kind of the same.
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:You kind of see the same
stuff, which is fine.
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:I love going into thrift stores
and consignment stores 'cause you
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:never know what you're gonna find.
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:I love the dopamine hit of it all.
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:Like looking and looking and
looking and then like getting a hit.
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:So I'm wearing this shirt that the
weight, have you ever had a shirt where
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:the weight of the fabric is perfect?
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:Lacey: Yes.
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:Sara: Oh my gosh.
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:And I would've never gone into this store.
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:I think it's called Zara.
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:Lacey: Mm-hmm.
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:Sara: I would've never gone into
that store, but I found this at
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:this consignment store I go to and
the weight of it, and it's so soft.
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:And yeah, I wasn't actually, I
wasn't feeling that great this
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:morning and then I saw the shirt
and I just thought, oh my gosh, if
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:I wear this shirt, I'm gonna feel.
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:So much better.
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:So am, I'm thankful for
my thrift store shirt
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:Lacey: Zara's like super trendy.
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:Cool girl stuff.
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:Sarah, so you're super trendy.
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:Cool girl.
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:Sara: Lacey, what's your
moment of gratitude today?
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:Lacey: I have been having some success
over on TikTok lately of videos
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:getting way more views, and they are
videos that include a thirst trap
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:where I do the Sabrina Carpenter
tears trend of like flipping my hair.
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:I did it for myself and then I
made a video telling people why
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:I did it for myself, and then
put the thirst strap at the end.
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:Then I made a video talking about
how, oh, by putting the thirst
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:trap at the end, I prevented a lot
of creepy dude comments, right?
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:Well then that ended up making
people think there was a
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:thirst trap at the end of that.
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:And then I felt bad
because they felt misled.
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:So then I had another video
that was that second video with
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:the thirst strap at the end.
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:And there was a video even before I
made the third strap that was about me
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:thinking about making the third strap.
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:And when I tell you this has been one
of the most interesting week of my life
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:because of these things, I, I just,
first of all, I've gotten universally
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:positive feedback, like in a way that I.
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:Am now thinking like someone
else is mod, gotta be monitoring
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:my comments or whatnot.
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:and less creepiness than
I ever thought I would.
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:. But it's still a lot of men and
this has been a very different
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:experience for me in my life of
like, I the stories that we tell
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:ourselves Being a teenage girl, right?
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:I was all like boys and validation
was always so important to me
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:and I was always the fat friend.
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:I was pretty enough that I didn't like
get made fun of, but I wasn't, I was
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:always friends with all the pretty
girls, but I wasn't one of them.
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:You know, like, so I kind of,
sorry, this is getting way deeper
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:than I intended, but here we go.
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:Made these stories about who I am and
whatnot, and we all know Joe loves me.
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:He thinks I'm banging.
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:Like I'm very secure in that I
stopped caring about male validation
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:a long time ago because of realizing
that I'm like really cool in other
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:ways And so to have that be like
the story of myself and to have.
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:We're talking hundreds of comments of
random men telling me how beautiful I am.
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:I'm having a little bit of an identity
crisis over, and it's all because.
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:Of Sabrina Carpenter.
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:a wild experience.
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:It's been an experience that
I've learned a lot about myself.
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:It's also been fun for me to show
things to Joe and him to be like,
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:oh, that person is hitting on you.
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:And I'm like, no, they're not.
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:He's like, no, they're hitting on you.
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:So it's just, I've seen a
lot of life in the past week.
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:That I haven't, because I don't
really leave the house a whole lot.
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:'cause of my chronic illness and all
these different things, and it just
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:has been a fascinating experience.
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:Sara: I'm so happy for you.
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:I love that.
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:And yes, Lacey told me
about this mid situation.
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:If anyone can get me to
go on TikTok, it's Lacey.
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:And I went on, of course on a web
browser 'cause that's who I am.
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:And I was reading the comments
and they were so delightful.
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:Lacey: I know
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:Sara: I didn't see the men ones on the
one I was looking at, but felt uplifted
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:for me reading those So maybe my new
habit is just to go on TikTok and read
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:Lacey's comments in Lacey's TikTok.
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:Lacey: that's part of the thing is like
there's not usually that many comments.
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:So like this whole thing has been
again, so bizarre, so interesting.
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:And really like, I'm like,
am I like that pretty?
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:Like I know I'm pretty,
but am I that pretty?
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:I don't know.
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:Like men watching 20 or two minutes
and 30 seconds of me talking about my
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:body image to get to the thirst trap.
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:I'm like, I don't know about this.
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:This feels incorrect.
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:I don't know.
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:But here we are.
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:and it's been very interesting.
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:Sara: Ride that wave girlfriend.
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:Thank you for keeping me young
and connected to the world.
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:Lacey: I will also say I've had
some of the most fun conversations
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:with people in my life about this.
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:Like the minute I told Sarah about this,
she was like, no, this all makes sense and
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:then I sent it to my sisters being like,
Hey, do I have to tell mom about this?
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:Like, I don't have to tell
mom like, is she fine?
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:Whatever.
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:But I don't have to tell her about it.
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:And then to get, both of my
sisters be like, no, you're fine.
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:It's not that racy.
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:I'm like, okay.
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:You know, there just has been
a lot of like things that I
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:never thought, I would say.
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:I never thought I would say thirst trap
so much in my life yet here we are.
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:Sara: I, one of the things I love
about when we do podcasts together
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:is the gamut of what we cover.
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:Birds, Zara, t-shirts, thirst
traps, helping you with.
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:Situation.
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:I mean, you just never know
what we're gonna talk about.
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:And that's what I love.
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:I love the randomness of it.
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:It makes me happy.
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:Lacey: Absolutely.
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:I am so excited for all of
us to go on this journey.
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:no shame in the home game.
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:The cover art did not have Sarah
an eye on it, and the cover art for
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:this one has Sarah and I on it, so
it feels a little bit more personal.
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:Sara: I like that.
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:Lacey: yeah.
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:Sara: hard time bringing myself
forward, and so when I saw the cover
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:art, it felt right and natural.
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:It didn't feel forced.
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:It felt more, I thought,
yeah, this is welcoming.
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:Lacey: Yeah.
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:Sara: if we're gonna be
supporting people and.
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:That's the welcoming environment,
so it felt good to me.
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:Lacey: I mean, and obviously we
know now that I'm gorgeous, so
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:it's just gonna bring all kinds
of people in because of that.
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:Sara: You are gorgeous.
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:Lacey.
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:Lacey: I know.
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:See, this whole thing is so weird that
I don't know how to talk about it.
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:Sorry.
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:Sara: Lacey, thank you for being you.
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:Thank you for starting this podcast and
getting this to hear, thank you to our
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:audience for listening and showing up and
being a part of this joy Ripple one, just
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:1%, just, if we could help one person just
make 1% difference, so, and thank you to
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:Lacey for making all of this possible.
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:Lacey: always say that Sarah's
the heart, and so thank you for
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:being the heart of all this, Sarah.
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:Oh, okay.
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:Thank you.